Posts Tagged With: marriage

Thought: Communication in Marriage


This is Leah. Leah is in 3rd grade. Leah can communicate very effectively to her dad what she is thinking about him without even saying a word.

The conventional wisdom already makes clear that “communication is key” in a marriage, and it is.  But I think a lot of spouses overlook the fact that communication is more than talking. In fact, sometimes our actions can say the opposite of our words. 

You would probably never tell your spouse that you think they’re stupid, that they’re no fun to be around, that they’re not attractive, or that you don’t respect their interests or talents.  Your actions, inattention, body language, sarcasm, criticism and absence can say all these things and worse.  Give some thought today to what you’re saying to your spouse without words.  How can you express without words that they are respected, admired, fun to be with, desired, valued and LOVED?  

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No Ifs

Different churches have different forms of wedding ceremony.  In some, the groom repeats lines like these:

I take you to be my wife;
and I promise,
before God and these witnesses,
to be your loving and faithful husband;
in plenty and in want;
in joy and in sorrow;
in sickness and in health;
as long as we both shall live.

In others, the pastor asks a series of questions and the groom answers, “I will.”

Will you have this woman to be your wife, to live together in holy matrimony?
Will you love her, comfort her, honor her, and keep her, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?

Some weddings have the participants write their own vows.

Regardless of the precise wording there is one noticeable absence.  No “if”s.  Continue reading

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Just Friends: Breaking Up with Carolina

Dear Carolina:Thirty-One Thirty One 31 husband tar heels carolina roy williams unc father dad family faith priorities just friends break upthirty-one thirty one 31 husband work at home stay at home wahm sahm carolina unc tar heels fan sports priorities faith family father husband dad time just friends break up

This is the hardest letter I’ve ever had to write.  It’s not you. It’s me.  We’ve been together as long as I can remember.  Those high school and college years… whew… the passion was amazing. But we’re just in different places now.  I’ve settled down.  I’ve got to reassess my priorities.  And let’s face it: you won’t miss me.  You’ve got plenty of other guys.  Can we just be friends? Continue reading

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I have a love/hate relationship with the movie Pulp Fiction.  On the one hand, it is uberviolent, profane, filled with substance abuse and the most vulgar and violent content.  On the other hand, it is a riveting story, told in a fascinating way, with interesting characters and a ton of quotable material.  It’s one of those movies that has some artistic and entertainment value but should be viewed by mature audiences only and then with caution.

Having issued that disclaimer (lawyer alert!), one of my favorite quotes from this movie comes from an interchange between Marcellus Wallace (Ving Rhames) and Butch (Bruce Willis).  Butch, a boxer, has agreed to take a dive in an upcoming bout, and Wallace is addressing any thoughts he may have to renege.

Pride Butch Marcellus Wallace bar Pulp Fiction  husband Thirty-OneMarcellus: The night of the fight, you may feel a slight sting. That’s pride f***ing with you. F*** pride. Pride only hurts, it never helps.

Continue reading

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Being a Thirty-One Husband

Emily and I just got back from the Thirty-One Gifts 2013 National Conference in Atlanta.  16,000 hootin’, hollerin’ consultants and a handfulof husbands.  I loved this video they showed of some of the husbands taken during last year’s Leadership Incentive Trip to Cancun.

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Direct Sales Tips: Stop, Drop and Respond

Emily has learned a lot about sales in a relatively short period of time with Thirty-One.  I know she has raved about the tips she has gotten at National Conference every year.  She has learned by the examples of other Directors.  She has listened to her fantastic coaches. But some things you learn the hard way.

When someone contacts you about buying something, setting up a party or for more information on joining your team, you must respond immediately.  Chances are, that person has made inquiries in more than one place.  The person who responds with a thoughtful answer first is more likely to convert that sale or sign up a new team member.  We learned this the hard way back when Emily still worked full-time in addition to her job as a Senior Director with Thirty-One Gifts. She would not be able to call or email in response until that night or maybe even the next day, by which time the person would have in many cases moved on.

That’s why the new mantra is STOP, DROP and RESPOND.  Emily Page Thirty-One Thirty One Proverbs 31 work from home business income sahm wahm husband christian faith father dad

No matter what else is going on (sometimes including sleeping and eating), those initial inquiries about joining Thirty-One or a new customer get answered immediately.  So far, this policy is yielding dividends.  Note:  while it is important to be attentive to current customers and team members, this policy is for new inquiries only.  It would be way too stressful to apply this to every single business call or email and have the potential to run you ragged.   It’s like ER triage in a way; the existing team members and customers are like stabilized patients and the new contact is fresh off the ambulance.  Both require attention, but it’s important to prioritize.

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25 Ways to Show Your Wife You Love Her

love wife Emily Page Thirty-One join Thirty One Proverbs 31 work from home business income wahm sahm entrepreneur job husband

The key to a successful marriage is putting your spouse’s needs ahead of your own. Here are 25 practical suggestions gleaned from 25 years of happy marriage.

    To be truly heard is the longing of every human heart, and your wife is no exception. It sounds simple, but listening can be harder than it seems with so many distractions around us and within us. Set aside some time every day to look into your wife’s eyes and really listen to what she has to say. You may be surprised at what you hear. (James 1:19, Matthew 11:15)

MORE: 25 Ways to Show Your Wife You Love Her.


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Keeping Your Kids in Christ

A Facebook friend of mine recently posted a link to an opinion piece critiquing churches that focus on style over substance.  The piece was targeted mainly at the modern contemporary church that features amplified praise bands, coffee bars and a casual atmosphere, but I think it applies equally to the stuffy, dead-inside, going-through-the-motions conservative church full of “churchy” people.  The point remains the same: (1) Is the underlying message that of the redemption of sinful people by the grace of God and the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, and (2) Is the humility, love and excitement that should be exhibited by those who have experienced such awe-inspiring grace actually apparent?  Or is there an overriding, consuming hypocrisy driving a wedge between the church and the lost? Christian husbands and their families are subject to the same pitfalls that exist for our churches.Christian dad father husband faith Proverbs Thirty-One Thirty One kids children millstone work from home stay at home wahm sahm

The hypocrisy of church folk is a leading justification for kids and young adults that fall away from the faith.  Talk to an atheist or agnostic who grew up in a Christian home and 99 times out of 100 one of the things they list that shook their faith was hearing a message preached on Sunday and not seeing the leaders and members of the church acting that message out during the week. I’m willing to bet they see that start at home.

Let’s get one thing straight.  Some of the aforementioned 99 who have fallen away from the faith are rationalizing.  They are making excuses for their own decision to turn their back on God and to embrace unrepentant sinful living.  They embrace moral relativism, they indict today’s church with the Crusades and the Inquisition, and they justify their own behavior that they know deep down is separating them from God.  That is an axiomatic by-product of the free will given to us by God.  But I’m thinking now about those for whom their home life and what they saw exhibited by their fathers became a stumbling block for them.

“But if you cause one of these little ones who trusts in me to fall into sin, it would be better for you to be thrown into the sea with a large millstone hung around your neck.” ~ Mark 9:42 NLT

The best way I can think of to keep your kids in Christ is to preach, practice and profess.  That is, talk about God to your kids; pray with them, do devotionals, take them to church to hear God’s word.  Then do your best to carry it out.  Love their mother.  Love them.  Spend time with them.  Sacrifice for them; don’t let your hobbies take precedence over time with them.  And then when you fall short — and you will —  acknowledge it.   Admit you failed to live up to God’s and your own standards and apologize and take the opportunity to talk about God’s grace and forgiveness.

Finally, be their DAD.  Your Heavenly Father loves you, sacrificed for you, expects much of you but forgives you when you fall short and you’re sorry, and He wants great things for your life.  Offer the same to your own kids and they’ll see a glimpse of God at home that will make them far more likely to hunger for Him, not run away.


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Review: Financial Peace University

The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is slave to the lender. ~ Proverbs 22:7 NIV

Breaking Chains Financial Peace Debt Emily Page Thirty-One join Thirty One Proverbs 31 work from home business income wahm sahm entrepreneur job husband burdenDo you ever get to the end of the month and wonder who you’re actually going to work for?  You earn money, but it all seems to go to the rent or mortgage, the power company, the gas company, the water bill, the phone bill, the car payment, the student loan, the credit card, the equity line, the tax man…   There are months where all the money you work so hard for goes right out the door and the scripture above rings truer than ever, and that assumes you can even make all the payments.  All that stress of owing so much to so many is THE major strain on a marriage.  When you do have a little left over at the end of the month, the differing priorities about how to spend it become significant.  How can you take control of your finances and get the priorities back in your life and the sanity back in your marriage?

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ReBlog from Jason Cox: Why Are So Many Husbands Antagonistic to Their Wife’s Business?

Great blog post from Jason Cox:

Top 5 Reasons Husbands Are Antagonistic to Direct Sales

1. Control

2. Jealousy/Pride

3. Misinformation/Misunderstanding

4. Fear

5. Lazy

This is going to be an uncomfortably direct look at the reasons behind these attitudes. No punches will be pulled today.

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